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wholly invested in fictional characters

Drunk Live-Tweet — The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

On occassion I decide to sit down with a drink (or few) (ok — usually few) and live-tweet something I think is going to be ridiculous. Sometimes a friend joins me. Sometimes my only compatriots are the kitties.

Important note: I’m not promising comedy gold. I don’t promise I’m particularly funny — humor is subjective anyway. I’m only promising that this is pretty much the gist of watching a bad movie with me.

So feel free to use this as reason to never watch anything with me.


 Movie? The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug.

Alone or Friend? Just me this time.

Drink of Choice? Wine!

 

Here we go.

I honestly think I spent way to long being mesmerized by Richard Armitage’s “hair” in this movie. So dirty, yet so beautiful. That’s serious wig craftsmanship.

This one legitimately upset me for a while. Even now, I try to comprehend why, and come up with no satisfactory answer.

 

  I believe this was the part of the film in which there were many spiders and lots of gross noises.

Honestly, what Orlando Bloom really needs to do is take more roles like this fabulous nonsense:

 

 

 

 

 

 

(Because clearly I believe that Orlando Bloom needs to tailor his career to make me happy.)

 

Anyways… Rolling along…

Things started to devolve further…

Yeah… I still think it would have been a great twist.

 

I honestly don’t remember what was happening at this point, but it sounds as equally not-intense as earlier. Was it when they were in barrels? … Possibly?

 

At this point in the movie (and in the wine consumption), I was more than completely willing to watch an entirely different 3 hr movie — one dedicated solely to Thranduil being a total sneering diva. Seriously. I would pay real money to watch that. In the actual theater.

 

I don’t. And it’s not.

 

Upon sober second reflection, however, I realize that maybe it’s a line that can only work on arrogant, wealthy dragons. Should still probably avoid in everyday life, though. … Unless your everyday life involves flattering arrogant, wealthy dragons… in which case you’re life must be pretty exciting and you shouldn’t be listening to me.

 

That was it!

Stay tuned! Because soon I will be tackling #3! The Hobbit: The Battle of The Five Armies!

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